Any Adoption-Related Questions Today?

Any one with questions about domestic adoption today? I would be happy to discuss the adoption process from the perspective of the expectant mother considering adoption -- including common questions, concerns and issues they face. In addition, I can offer the perspective of the adoptive parent. Please feel free to blog me.

If you would like to speak with a pregnancy counselor, please call 1-877-921-1102. All calls are free and confidential.

Some Thoughts about the Pregnant Woman Considering Adoption

Lately bloggers have expressed concern for the pregnant women making the decision to place her baby for adoption. First, it should be stressed that pregnancy counselors should provide non-directive counseling to the women they assist. Typically, a pregnant woman will contact an agency while considering her options. The agency's pregnancy counselor will present her with information about the adoption process. In addition, she will counsel her and discuss issues including feelings of loss. Fully informed decision making is essential for all parties to an adoption.

The woman choosing adoption typically does so after careful consideration of her options and out of concern for her baby. Her decision is often made because she thinks adoption is in the child's best interest. She deserves respect for her courage and the support of the people around her.

Do you have any any questions or concerns that you would like to discuss? Please feel free to blog me. In the alternative, you may contact one of Adoption House International's adoption counselors at 877-921-1102.

What We Say About Adoption and How We Say it Matters

When you walk down the street in your community, I am sure you notice that many families today are "blended." Simply put, many American families are no longer the stereotypical mother, father and two biological children. Rather, today's family is often comprised of stepchildren, foster children, children who were adopted, single parents, same sex couples, and so on. To fully embrace today's family, it is necessary that we use appropriate, inclusive language that is supportive of the family. This may seem simple, and commonsense; however, myths and negative stereotypes continue to be associated with adoption.

When I go into a hospital to do an adoption training, one of the first things we discuss is accurate adoption language. People inadvertently make negative comments just because of a lack of knowledge. Let's consider different adoption language and the impact that they would have on a birth mother in the hospital who has chosen adoption.

A social worker approaches the birth mother in the hospital and asks, "You don't want to keep your baby?"

or

A social worker approaches the birth mother and asks, "You don't feel like you can parent your baby?"

Here is another example.

The social worker says, "Why do you want to give your baby away?"

or

The social worker asks, "Why do you want to make an adoption plan?"

Here is an example of a negative question asked to a child who was adopted:

The child is asked, "Where is your real mother?"

Ultimately, it is up to us to stop using negative adoption language that undermines the adoptive family. Simply put, we need to embrace all of today's families. What we say about adoption and how we say it matters.

Pregnant and Considering Adoption? Here are Some Questions to Consider.

There are many important questions to ask yourself if you are pregnant and considering adoption. Some of those questions include:

What do I want out of my life for myself?
Can I handle a child and a job and/or school at the same time?
Have I managed school and/or job and other activities well in the past?
Am I ready to give up the freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it?
An example of something I would have to give up by having a child with me is ...
Am I willing to cut back on my social life and stay home while my friends go out?
Would I miss my free time and privacy?
Can I afford to support a child?
Do I want to raise my child in the neighborhood I am living in now?
How might a child interfere with my growth and personal development?
How would parenting a child change my educational plan?
Am I willing to give a great part of my life -- AT LEAST 18 YEARS -- to be a responsible parent?
Do I like doing things with children?
Do I want my child to be like me?
Do I expect a child to make my life happy?
When I am around small children for a while, how do I feel after being around them?
Am I able to give the child the love he/she needs/deserves?
Am I patient enough to deal with the noise, confusion, and the 24-hour-a-day responsibility of having a child?
What kind of time and space do I need for myself?
What do I do now when I am angry or upset?
What would I do to a child if I lost my temper or became angry?
What does good discipline mean to me?
How would I discipline a toddler?
Do I get along with my family?
How would I take care of my child's health and safety?

These questions were printed from the National Council For Adoption's Consider The Possibilities Workbook, as excerpted in part from "Is Parenting for Me Now?," published by Loving and Caring, Inc.

If you would like to speak with a pregnancy counselor about adoption, please call 877-921-1102. Adoption House has counselors available 24/7 -- all calls are free and confidential.

How Strong is your Interest in Adoption?

While adoption is a time-honored practice, it is least often considered as an option by women facing unintended pregnancies. Interestingly, a well-known study of Dr. Mech, entitled the "Mech Adoption Interest Inventory," indicated that 40% of "pregnancy counselors" did not even raise the issue of adoption with pregnant clients. Further, the study found that of the 60% who raised the issue of adoption, 40% provided inaccurate or incomplete information. This simply must change. A woman facing an unplanned pregnancy is entitled to have knowledge of all available options, including adoption. This will help her to make a fully informed decision as to whether or not to parent.

Here are some of the findings of Dr. Mech's study of pregnant women, interviewed from health clinics:

• 43.82% would be interested in meeting with other girls who are pregnant to discuss how to make decisions about resolving a pregnancy.
• 14.81% would be interested in talking with other girls who have chosen adoption for their child.
• 19.13% might consider adoption if they thought it would help them finish school and get a job that they wanted.
• 31.48% might consider adoption if they thought their child would have a better chance in life with another family.
• 17.90% would be interested in talking with a family who had adopted a child.
• 21.60% would be interested in talking to someone who was adopted.
• 12.34% might consider adoption if they could meet the prospective adoptive parents.
• 19.13% might consider adoption if they could have a part in choosing the adoptive family.
• 12.96% might consider adoption if they could see their child once in a while.
• 17.90% might consider an adoption plan only if they could have information (pictures, progress report) of their child growing up and knew everything was all right.
• 14.81% might consider adoption if they thought in the long run it would help them reach their own vocational and career goals.
• 20.98% might consider adoption if they were sure that the adoptive family would give the child love, security and a good home.

What are your thoughts on these findings?

Birth Parent Questions and Concerns

Are you considering adoption? Have some questions, some concerns? Adoption may not be the right choice for everyone, but in many cases birth parents believe adoption is in the best interest of their child. What are your thoughts?

Are you wondering ... "I could never give my baby away"

• Keep in mind, adoption can be a courageous and unselfish decision.
• With adoption, you are making a plan for the child's future, not abandoning the child.

Are you questioning ... "Can I handle being a single parent?"

• Were you raised in a single household? What are the pros and cons?
• How would single parenting affect your future goals?

Are you afraid, wondering ... "What if my baby ends up in a bad home, like the ones I hear about and see on TV?"

• Adoptive parents are closely evaluated during the adoption process. More specifically, they undergo a rigorous home study process which includes background checks, personal interviews, the submission of personal and employer references and proof of financial stability, and home inspections.
• Adoptive parents receive parent training during the home study process to educate themselves on adoption.
• Did you know that many famous and successful people were adopted, such as Faith Hill, Reese Witherspoon, and former President Bill Clinton?
• Did you know that you can help to choose the family who will parent your child? This would allow you to see what the child's environment would be like.

Are you thinking, "My family and friends don't want me to make an adoption plan"

• Will your family and friends help you care for the child for the next 18 years? Why or why not?
• What are the concerns of your family and friends?
• Do you agree with their concerns?

Are you hoping, "I am going to have a relationship with the father of the baby"

• What is the status of the relationship?
• Has he been helpful to you during your pregnancy?
• Does he have other children? Does he have a relationship with those children?
• Do you have plans to get married?

Are you concerned, "My child will hate me"

• Why do you think your child will hate you?
• What can you do to make sure your child knows how much you care about and love them?
• What would be your reasons for choosing adoption? Do you feel these things show that you hate your child? What if your child could know the reasons you chose adoption?

These are just some common thoughts and concerns of birth mothers considering adoption. Only you can decide if adoption is the best option for you and your baby. Certainly, in many instances it is worth considering.

If you would like to speak with a live pregnancy counselor, available 24/7, confidential, and free of charge, call Adoption House at 877-921-1102.

Today I’ve been emailing with some single women who are pregnant. Unfortunately, they seem to share similar concerns resulting from a lack support during their pregnancies. By support, I mean financial and emotional support from their boyfriend/partner, or more commonly ex-boyfriend/ex-partner, family and friends. For others reading this blog, and who are also facing these issues, please remember that what matters most is your health and the health of your baby. It is important that you reach within and be strong.

There are resources available. You do not have to go through this alone. If you are thinking about your options (some of the women were thinking about abortion), please remember that there is another option -- adoption.

If you are interested in learning about adoption, I would be happy to answer your questions. Or, you can call Adoption House to speak with a live pregnancy counselor. She can explain the process and you can decide if adoption is the best choice. Pregnancy counselors are available 24/7, the cost is free, and the conversation is 100% confidential. They can be reached at 877-921-1102.

Don’t forget, you can also email me.

Please keep your chin up and be proud!