Things to Know about Parents Facing Their Child's Unintended Pregnancy

The National Council for Adoption published in its training handbook an article written by Jayne E. Schooler, entitled "Six Things to Know about Parents Facing Their Child's Unintended Pregnancy." The article lists the following six things:

1. Parents experience a number of painful and confusing emotions, including feelings of failure and guilt (e.g., if only they had done something to prevent the situation or had been better parents), feelings of anger, and feelings of deep sadness and loss for themselves and their child (e.g., their daughter's life dreams may be viewed over, along with the loss of joy at watching a high school or college education).
2. Their daughter or son is often journeying into unknown territory, and their parents role in response and support is critical (e.g., they may be influential in the decision-making process regarding the future of the unborn child).
3. Parents may deal with this family "crisis" in different ways -- potentially leaving one parent feeling alone and unsupported (e.g., mothers of pregnant young women have felt caught in the middle between her hurting, frightened child and a hurting, angry father).
4. Parents will need to find a balance between supporting their pregnant teen and handling responsibilities over them (e.g. how much support is enough? some parents take over all decision-making, while others leave their teen to handle the situation on her own).
5. Parents and their pregnant teen will need to answer -- Who to Tell? When to Tell? (the decision of who to tell, and when to tell, is often overwhelming to parents).
6. Parents have the gift of time (it is important for parents to take the time necessary to wait and not react immediately to the intense emotions and feelings that come -- talking to other families with similar experiences as well as finding support with family and friends will allow them to work through the decisions to be made).

How do you feel about the difficulties faced by the parents of pregant teens?

In my personal experience, the pregnancy of my birth mother (who was only 18 when she got pregnant with me) was hidden by her parents. They didn't tell family or the closest of friends because they felt ashamed. When my birth mother was far along, they literally hid her upstairs when company was over to avoid judgment. The thought of her treatment pains me deeply. It is my hope that parents reading this story will realize that such treatment -- based upon fear of judgmental reactions -- is just wrong. Years later, my birth mother's mom told her best friend about my birth -- to which her best friend responded: "How could you keep that secret from me? We would have adopted her and she would have been raised in the family." Talk about life-changing circumstances ... decision-making .... The future relationship of parents and their teens, as well as the future of the unborn child, are certainly affected by way they handle the unintended pregnancy.

Do you have any stories you would like to share?