Birth Parent Concerns and Fears About Adoption

A new report by Charles T. Kenny, entitled "Birthmother, Goodmother" sought to find out birth mothers' negative attitudes and fears regarding adoption, as well as how birth mothers resolved these feelings and beliefs, ultimately enabling them to choose adoption.

What are the Concerns?

Birth mothers expressed a concern about how their children will feel about having been placed for adopted. They asked themselves:

• Will their children view their decisions as rejection?
• Will they feel they were abandoned and unloved by their mother?
• Will they in turn reject and disrepect their birth mothers?

Birth mothers expressed concerns about the adoptive parents. For example, they were concerned as to whether the adoptive parents would be loving providers for their children.

Birth mothers expressed fears of loss. They feared losing the opportunity to be mothers, and a sadness at missing out on important milestones in their children's lives (such as a child's walking for the first time, first day of school, and graduation).

Birth mothers expressed fears of what family members, peers and the community would think about their choosing adoption.

Birth mothers struggled with a fear of being financially incapable of affording housing, clothing, food and childcare if they choose to parent.

Birth mothers expressed fears regarding their ability to emotionally nurture their children -- they worried that they were not emotionally stable enough to care for their babies.

Birth mothers feared that single parenting would change their identities and futures -- such as the fear of not being able to accomplish educational and career goals (and putting dreams and plans aside for a low-wage job).

A Positive Resolution

Significantly, the report also addressed birth mothers' resolved feelings and beliefs about adoption enabling them to choose adoption. The report indicated that after working through their fears and concerns, birth mothers choose adoption because they believe that it is in the best interests of their children. They realize, according to the report, that adoption is not abandonment. Rather, they see it is a loving and responsible act. And, thus, it stated that birth mothers believe that in choosing what is best for their children, they are good mothers.

The report indicated that when birth mothers realize that they can influence the selection of the adoptive parents, they are much more comfortable with adoption. Getting to know the adoptive parents, through files or maybe in-person meetings (if so desired), has helped birthmothers to feel more confident about the adoptive parents ability to love their children.

Conclusion

Ultimately, "Goodmother, Birthmother" reported the following birth mother feelings and beliefs:

"[T]hey redeem themselves, transforming their mistakes into
positive outcomes. ... Adoption allows them to recover their
self esteem, restore their identity and renew their dreams and goals. Believing that the decision means that they
are good mothers. birthmothers are able to feel right about the decision and have confidence in it, even when pain or regret arise. The support of family and friends in the decision adds to the birthmothers' resolve about choosing adoption."

What are your thoughts on this report? Please feel free to email me.